Dreams…

by admin on October 30, 2012

Whytheheck are people always talking about DREAMS?!  It drives you nuts, right?

“I just want to follow my DREAMS”  –  “I’ve been DREAMING of this all my life”  –  Yadda, yadda, yadda.

I can honestly say that is one thing I didn’t like about reality TV competitions.  EVERYONE and their uncle had dreams.  And all the same dream coincidentally.  I would always shout at the television – “Oh, you and you big DREAMS! Get real people!!”

But then, sheepishly, I learned something.  I … have…… dreams. *gasp*

Let’s go back a few months.  Starting with something else I don’t love. New Years Resolutions. (More on that later on…) I decided to make one, and only one, resolution for 2012.  That resolution was to LIVE.  Try things I’ve never tried.  Be adventurous for heavens sake!  So, my first test of this resolution was, of course, to audition for So You Think You Can Dance.

Truly, at this point in time it had nothing to do with “dreams”.  I just thought it would be a neat experience.  Well, an experience it definitely was!  I won’t go into too much detail except to say, that was a day I will never, ever forget.  I truly did not expect to do well.  I’m 29 for Pete’s Sake!  Can you spell R-U-S-T-Y?  But, it was just as you saw it on TV.  Everything just fell into place, and I left that auditorium literally pinching myself.  That’s when it hit me.  Dang, I’m one of them.  I have dreams.

Luckily, as it all turned out, my dreams were not to be in the top 20 of SYTYCD.  My dreams were/are to get myself out there as a choreographer and get my work recognized nationally. I kept-up this dreaming after the audition; about becoming the next Travis Wall – “discovered” on SYTYCD (though many of us knew of his talents long before then…) and suddenly catapulted to Emmy-Award-Winning choreographer!  Oh, yes, I dreamed of it.  Not as though it were probable, but confident that it could be possible.

Next, of course, I started training.  HARD.  But before three weeks of training had past – my joints started piercing me with pain, and no doctor could figure out why.  Blood tests, X-Rays, MRIs… nothing we tried could conclude why my joints were in such severe pain.  A couple weeks before “Vegas Week” I finally ended up flying to Utah to see a specialist.  He diagnosed me with bone malformations, labral tears, cam and pincer impingements and cysts.  At that declaration, in that moment, I saw my dreams shatter.

I begged my doctor – FIX ME!  What can be done?? He loaded me up with cortisone and gave me the OK to go to Vegas and do my best.  Then it was time to come back to Utah and operate.

I went home devastated.  For several days I couldn’t help but think – this must be a sign.  God doesn’t want me to leave my calling as a mother to achieve my selfish dreams.  After a while I really started to believe that.  I didn’t make it far in Vegas, and I came home quite defeated.

As the weeks past and my emotional wounds began to heal, I started pondering on what I was going to do next.  Do I abandon those dreams and devote 110% to my family?  Could I abandon them, just like that, after discovering them?  That’s when it hit me – something I have heard a thousand times, but was suddenly – for the first time – understanding first hand.  God doesn’t allow us trials and hardships to make us quit.  They are put in our lives to make us STRONGER!  In fact, I made up my own little quote and immediately put it on Facebook in my newly enlightened state:

“Just because the road seems long, and the way may be riddled with struggle, does not mean that you are on the wrong path.”

Feel free to use it if it moves you.  😉

So, that was when I decided to email my Capezio A.C.E. submission.  And – actually got accepted to the top 16.  And – actually received 2nd Runner-up.  And – actually get to do my OWN SHOW IN NYC NEXT YEAR!!!  (DREAMS BABY!!!!)

So, earlier, with the hating dreams and the hating New Years Resolutions hub-bub.  There was another little revelation I came to – even more recently.  I HATE. TO. FAIL.  I mean, “perfectionist” doesn’t even come close to what I aspire to be.  It’s a disease.  But, I am learning.  S L O W L Y.  Nothing great will come if you don’t take a little risk.  Make a few unrealistic goals.  Try something that scares you.  And, guess what… You just might fall on your face.  But, I’m learning that it’s truly more heroic to have given something a shot – and failed – then to say you’ve never tried.

And, yes, in 2012 I even ate sushi.

And barfed up sushi.

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